This is Not a Drill.

17 April, 2010 @ 2343: *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* My pager goes off. The messages reads, "MASCAL MASCAL MASCAL. This is not a drill. Black Hawk Down aprox 2-4 patients. ETA 10 minutes." And it started.

I pretty much hung up on Joe then I dressed as fast as I could, threw on my shoes, grabbed my M16 and ran out the door as other lights around me were turning on and other doors were flying open. K and I broke through the walls of the LSA and joined the group of people that were also running to the CSH. In my mind I was thinking, "I had a feeling this was coming." As I leapt over a rock in the road, both my feet landed *SPLASH* in a puddle of water up to my ankles. Just perfect. MASCAL in soaking shoes.

We got the MCU and N had also leapt into the same puddle as did H. We were all so focused on rushing, we all got wet. The ward was bustling, getting supplies out for casualities we didn't know the degree of injury on. Each bed was set up and we were all standing ready. Our accountability was 100% within minutes. As I was pulling on my scrub top I heard the choppers flying in. I left the MCU and stood out in the rain and watched it approach with a spolight on the helopad as it lowered down. Then the radios started talking.

The first thing we heard was "1 KIA". Then we heard that 2 stable patients were coming in. Hip and shoulder pain and then an arm injury. It was awhile before they came from the EMT. I was standing at the board talking on the radio getting the info on the patients as treatmets were done. Army guy went to the operating room, roger, got it. From Xray, Hip guy came to us. Then it came across the radio, "2 KIA". Damn. That makes 4.

Hip guy had beautiful clear pale pale blue green eyes. They were full of tears. He'd heard two of his buddies were gone. He was in pain, but two guys that he knew... that he flew with... that he spent the moments of the crash with, were gone. No one knew who they were, but he said he had a feeling he knew. The surgeon called his mom from our phone and he said "I'm Maj X, I'm the surgeon that was with your son. You're going to talk to him in a minute, but he was injured in a helicopter crash..." Somewhere, a family member is receiving notification that a crash occured, but they won't know their son/husband/brother was killed until a vehicle pulls up and two uniformed officers come knock on their door.

There were 10 guys in the helicopter. We never heard why it went down. We only heard of 2 KIA. Others went to Balad who were more seriously hurt and some came walking in to visit. These guys were young 20's guys. They were real hooah looking soldiers. They wore uniforms I've never seen and had an intimacy that you'll never even see in a marriage. Their names were changed, their birthdays were made up, and the socials were 123-45-6789. I won't ever know what really happened.

My patient was Arm guy. He came from the Midwest and has spent his time here in Iraq almost exclusivly since 2008. He was younger than me. He goes home for 1 month no more than every 6 months and then comes back. He was supposed to go home in a few weeks. He was awake after his washout and our main focus was to treat his pain. I struggled with him to get to a 5/10 so he would get some sleep tonight. I gave him my favorite drug, Morphine, and slowly we reached our goal. He still looked like he hadn't processed what happened. He looked far away and shell shocked still. (yeah, I know I gave him Morphine too). When I told him I was giving report to a different nurse for the rest of night he looked bummed. I told him, "I'll see you tomorrow night." and that seemed to help.

Tonight, I finally did something that mattered.